What I Learned in 2011

The end of the year is coming and I was thinking about how fast it went by and how quickly my life changes all the time. Back in 2007, which was one of the most life changing years of my life so far, I had made a myspace post about all the things I learned that year. So I am thinking for 2011 I will give it another go : )

1. I officially have a full fledged physical dependence on caffeine. I can't deny it a bit. On week mornings, don't even attempt to speak to me or discuss anything until I have had a full cup, preferably 2. I usually have a 3rd as well. In the afternoon around 2pm, I drink 1 more. Unfortunately I need it to function, which sounds terrible, but luckily I am not worried about it. I choose not to be. I have enough things to worry about and stress over in my life, so I will allow myself this one indulgence. I like my coffee and I am not giving it up!

2. One of the most amazing feelings ever is getting a full 8 hours of sleep. I cannot believe how little I appreciated that in the first 25 years of my life. I am lucky to have a child who sleeps really well, so on the weekends I get my fill. But during the week? Forget it. I am lucky if I get 5. I can't remember the last time that I was not at least a little tired.

3. It is insanely easy to screw up your children. You could be the most sincere parent in the world who loves your child unconditionally, but if you don't have it in you to filter those issues and insecurities, your children are bound to be effected somehow. I am a devoted, loving, loyal mom who would walk through fire for my daughter, but I wear my heart on my sleeve, and she is no dummy. It takes physical, conscious effort to give your child the best of you.

4. *Confession* - When married or attached people compare their situations to being a single parent, it gets under my skin. It irritates the heck out of me. This is not to underestimate the hardships of moms who's husbands travel a lot or are in the military and rarely see them...because I know nothing about that kind of life. I have never had to experience that so I don't know how it feels. I'm SURE it's hard! But since they know nothing about being an actual single parent, they should not compare, because they have never had to experience that life. *What I've learned* - It's all relative.

5. Number 5 is somewhat unfortunate. *Breaking News* - I am not as nice as I thought I was, or as nice as I used to be. Or as nice as I'd like to be. #workingonit

6. Babies do not stay sweet, cute babies. Yes...I know, this is not a shock. But in the past year I have felt my baby girl slipping away, and replaced with this beautiful, sassy, opinionated, STUBBORN, relentless CHORE of a child. She is amazing and I love her sooooo much....but my goodness she changes so often and so swiftly. I cannot keep up with her to save my life. I am terrified of the teenage years!

7. As Alexa gets older I am also realizing something else about being a parent. As much as we love our children more than life... we are not always going to love everything about them. It shouldn't be such a surprise to me when I think of how I was as a kid. But to be on the other end of it is pretty much a huge bummer.

8. Traffic infuriates me more than I ever knew it possibly could. And I still stick by my word that Texans are the absolute worst drivers ever. I have never seen so many people in my life who love to drive 20 miles under the speed limit in the left lane of a 3 lane highway. KILLING ME.

9. People who have never been in your shoes LOVE to give you advice. You know how I know? Cause I am guilty of it too. Big time! But as a single parent I get a lot of this...so what I have learned is that you should always be thankful for people who love and want to help you. But you don't always need to take their advice.

10. Time is my enemy. Or maybe time is my best friend. Either way, I don't have enough of it. I started a great new job a few months back that I am very thankful for, but the time I have with my daughter has been affected big time. I find I put too much pressure on myself to make the time I do have with her fun and meaningful that I just stress myself out even more. #tryingtochill

11. Anxiety does more than just make you worry. It makes you impatient. It makes you cranky and irritable. It makes you be everywhere else in the world except in the moment. You know what helps? Grey's Anatomy and red wine.

12. For the first time in my life, I can actually say truthfully....that I have learned to not care what people think or say about me. I never knew how freeing that would be! I do not claim to be 100% cured of this because God knows I have plenty of insecurities, but I have come so far in that aspect this year. I have way too many other things to worry about than silly people with nothing good to say. Let them be miserable while I choose to smile.

13. My life experiences up to this point define me way more than I would like to admit. I have let them define me without really knowing it. But... I am a work in progress.

14. The term "family" has changed in meaning so much to be in the past 11 years since my mother passed away. I have gained and lost so many people, related and not related, that have impacted my life so deeply. Some lifted me up, some broke my heart. What's sad is the ones who break your heart will continue to do so, so you have to be guarded. What I've learned - "Family" doesn't always mean "related".

15. I have, without a doubt, the most wonderful friends in the world. I am SO LUCKY to still be tight with so many of my childhood friends, high school friends, and college friends. Y'all may not be close by me and we may not see each other very often, but you mean the world to me. And you know who you are!

16. Another newsflash - I am messed up. No, really. I am. Someone recently told me that when guys come around me I have a big "&%$@ you" written across my forehead. Woops! #workingonthattoo

17. Success takes risk - sometimes heavy risk. But if you are taking these risks with a good, genuine heart, God will see you through it. Even if you don't succeed, He will guide you and get you through it. And I am so thankful for that!

Sunday Evening Blues

Hello friends! Thank you for stopping by...this is officially my first blog post. It has been ready for a few days now but I have been waiting for something to hit me that I wanted to write about. Then this evening that all too familiar, anxious feeling I get every Sunday night started to creep its way in... so I decided to pour my heart out a little lol.

I really, really, hope some of y'all can relate to this. I would hate to think that it is only me! Ever since I was a kid this has happened to me. School was never my favorite thing in the world, so Friday's were always so exciting, and Sunday always made me sad. The start of a new week was coming... no more fun.

In college it was the same thing. I spent WAY too much time partying in college and not enough time doing school work... so weekends started either Wednesday or Thursday LOL. We would usually lay low on Friday, go at it again on Saturday, and then Sunday evening we would all stay in, do homework, clean, and get to bed early. I HATED Sundays. It sounds childish to me now, but it was always such a sad feeling.

Now as an adult, I get anxious on Sundays for all different reasons. The week is insanely busy. Being a mom, especially a single mom, is anything but calm and easy. I struggle a lot with time management but in the past few months I have had no choice but to get better at it. I work 10 hour days and spend about 1.5 hours a day in the car. Sometimes more. I have a child in daycare that needs my care, love, and attention when we get home. But fitting all that in along with making dinner, giving a bath, cleaning up at home, and getting her to bed by 8 sometimes feels impossible! I get frustrated so often, and have to stop and breathe...sometimes count...sometimes pray...to calm myself and try my best.

This is why i LIVE for the weekends. I miss Alexa so much during the week at work. I think about her all day and I am excited...literally every day....to pick her up from school. Now I am not saying that there aren't days where 20 minutes after picking her up I want to send her back to school lol... but I genuinely just miss my little girl. All the time.

Fridays are always a relief. I usually have a list in my head (and if I am feeling super motivated...on paper) of things I want to do on the weekends. There is rarely a weekend that all of it gets accomplished, but most of the time I do pretty well. This weekend I am proud to say I got a lot accomplished. It was a relaxing, yet productive weekend...yet Sunday evening comes and I am still feeling anxious. So I decided to google "Sunday evening blues"...and WOOHOO I am relieved to say I am not the only who experiences this.

One thing that helps me is going to church on Sundays. I have been in a rut lately.. and skipped church for 3 weeks. Which is something I haven't done in a long, long time. I almost did today but Alexa was really looking forward to going, so I went. I am so glad I did. It is amazing what joining others in faith can do for your spirit.

Alexa was such a sweet girl today. I spent a lot of time cleaning and she was such a big helper. She cleaned her room, helped me clean the patio and washed her bath toys in the tub. Then we did a little project she has been begging me to do for months. Her dad had sent her a "ferry garden" in the mail and it was this dome that you fill with dirt, plant the flower seeds and decorate with pretty colorful stones. She was so excited that she kept clapping the whole time. I just love her to pieces!

A couple pics from the weekend...

Taking a break from roller skating outside...

Enjoying some ice cream after working so hard on her room!

Lexa found a rainbow : )

OK...well that is it for now. Thank you for reading if you got this far!! xoxoxo